Blog every day in May - Day 18

Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.

I struggled to come up with a memory. Just one I mean. All my childhood memories involve my dad and there are so many I want to share. Perhaps after this challenge I will go through them and share some.

I have alwasy been "daddy's girl" no doubt about it. My dad and I are similar, we think the same and we act the same. We understand each other and we get along really well. I won't do anything big without running it past my dad. Through the teenage years we fought as one does, but it has been resolved as adults.

On the morning of my first birthday, with my dad

 

My dad is a civil engineer and so many of my memories revolve around going to his construction sites. We would play where he would be building roads. One of my first fancy dress events saw me dress up as an engineer. I married an engineer! To this day the smell of fresh tar evokes childhood memories and reminds me of my dad. I think a part of me wanted to be a civil engineer, or to be involved in it somehow, but my brain just couldn't get the maths stuff. So I married one.

On top of the world - On dad's shoulders at my great grandparents house

 

My dad is a smart guy but he is also a practical guy. He can see the end goal and he will see the plan to get there. MrB thinks I have the same quality. That makes me really happy as it's one of the things I love about my dad. When I was really young he said to me "You can have anything you want in life, as long as you know how to justify it" This made the think about reason and why I want something. It also led to me thinking about how I would get something.

 

Summer holidays in Jeffrey's Bay

 

One of my favourite memories of my dad is going on holiday to Spain. We always went to Europe during the winter months as this was his major holiday. My dad would take us on these back road road trips during the day, stop at a small town and explore. We would find a little restaurant where no one spoke English and order something random on the menu. Some days we would find something a delicious local dish and others it would be the weirdest food! I think he got me excited about food!

At night, after eating at a restaurant, we would walk through the streets to find a gelataria (well, Haagen-Dasz or Baskin Robbins - places we didn't have in South Africa) and select ice cream. Walking in the cold night, my dad and I would eat ice cream and tal about Spain, the future and any other silly thing that came to mind.

To this day, when it's cold, I want ice cream!

 

When I was a little girl I had a Grumpy Bear - my Care Bear from dad, that was stolen. I was broken! Years later, on the eve before I left for the UK, I told my dad about Grumpy Bear and how much I had loved him and how sad I was that he was stolen.

I was battling in the UK and things were not going well. I had been there a few months and was missing home big time. I got to work for my shift (I hadn't had a day off in over 30 days) and was just not ready to be there, when a friend told me a package had arrived. I opened it up. There was Grumpy Bear!!! My dad had sourced Grumpy Bear via eBay, bought it, and sent it to me!! Grumpy Bear got me through all my years in the UK.

I love this photo - we're both beaming

 On my wedding day, having my dad there meant the world to me. I looked forward to our "Father Daughter" dance to I Loved Her First

My childhood is filled with happy moments with my dad and I am so grateful that we shared them all.

Blog every day in May - Day 17

A favourite photo of yourself and why

Firstly, thank you for the emails and comments on yesterday's post. It was difficult to write but it was also the right time in my life. Thank you for the words of support!

I don't like having photos taken. I don't think I have a favourite photo of me. So I decided to ask around. Here are the results:

MrB's favourite wedding photo:

I don't recognize myself in this photo

MrB's favourite non-wedding photo:

About 7 years ago at a waterfall in the Eastern Cape - very dramatic!

My mom's favourite photo of baby Claudz:

Feed me! ready for food from a young age

 

My friend in the USA's favourite photo of Claudz in SA:

Playing with a cheetah in the Garden Route

My Johannesburg BFF's favourite photo:

mmmm cocktails

 

Ok, so let me pick my favourite. I have had time to look at pictures and to choose one that I love.

 

 

This one was taken on honeymoon. We're happy, we're in love, we have so much ahead of us. I am laughing (for real, not a fake camera laugh!!) and clearly having fun. I have a tan, it's summer and I don't look too overweight.

 

Feel free to join in for the rest of May with Jenni over at Story of My Life. And check out the other participating blogs

 

Blog every day in May - Day 16

 

Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

I've been stalling. Because I need to be honest here. And maybe a part of me is ready to go to the place this post will take me.

Depression

It's this heavy feeling that comes over me. The weight is heavy on my shoulders, my chess feels tight and I almost cannot breathe without shedding a tear. I want to climb into a hole, hide under the covers, step away from the world, from my life. When I wake up in the morning my eyes do not want to open, I feel tired and want to roll over, close my eyes and continue in my dream life.

I force myself to get out of bed because I know that I have to. I sit up. I am blank, I am near empty. My head cannot process what I need to do next. A shower. Water will wake me. I stand under the water feeling sad. Just sad. No reason. Its not about shedding a tear, it's about the hollow feeling inside me.

I realise I must get out the shower. I dry myself off, slowly. Every single movement I make takes extra effort. I dress. What I wear doesn't matter. At least I am putting something on when I actually just want to get back in bed.

I can't describe the feeling of nothingness. I have this deep pitted sadness, the lack of desire to do even the most basic task. Food becomes irrelevant, I am incapable of making a decision because in my head the answer has been decided.

What do you want to eat? Nothing
Where do you want to go? nowhere
What do you want to watch on tv? nothing
what is wrong? nothing
what do you want to drink? nothing

My depression was diagnosed many years ago. I went for therapy, I took my medication. I had special people in my life who understood and who helped me. I was taught skills to recognise the signs and to cope with it. It's not something that just goes away. It's something you live with, every day. Some days are better than others. Some situations are easier to deal with yet the smallest thing can set it off.

I try to continue my life, to not let it get the better of me. I have a strong support who understand this part of my life. I don't talk about it to just anyone.

For the rest of my life this will be something that I need to live with. I am ok with that. I can manage it. I never know when the dark cloud will approach and hang over me. But when it comes, I try very hard to push it away. I do not give in to it.

My therapist told me I am Tigger. Not Eyeore. Everyone knows that Eyeore is sad. But the really sad one is Tigger. He bounces around in what appears to be happy. He is the positive energy that surrounds everyone. Almost fickle and silly. But when Tigger gets a knock he is down. He gets knocked and battles to pick himself up again. The highs are high but the lows....they are oh so low.

It's what I live with. But I focus on being positive. On getting exercise and eating healthy. I focus on carrying on with my life. Sometimes I give in and say "ok, you get to be depressed today" and I stay at home and let it be. Most of the time I try to stay busy, to have goals, to let there be a focus in my life that forces me to not let the darkness control me.
 

World Baking Day - 19 May

Anyone baking brave and care to join in?

World Baking Day 19 May - Bake something you've never baked before.

Stay tuned!

PS -all levels welcome. If you're a novice there are easy banana muffins to try and if you're a pro then the Cake Boss has something for you

 We're doing this on - 78 (EEEEEEEK!)

The two Graces

This is why I LOVE the blogging world.
(I do love finding patterns in the world too)

Yesterday saw two people of the same name share a birthday. They don't know each other (I don't think), but I read blogs written by special people in their lives. How awesome is this world?

(thank you for letting me have my moment)

So happy belated birthday to: GRACE

This lady turned 100

The Daily Tay's grandmother

And this precious angel turned 2:

The Cow Jumped Over the Moon